Godspeed Little Star

26 Sep

News spread like wildfire. By now, we all know, the Oklahoma Supreme Court lifted the stay in the case of Brown V. DeLapp (although many of you may know it better as Adoptive Couple V. Baby Girl). On Monday, the OKSC lifted their stay at approximately 2:30 pm. By 7:30, Veronica was gone. Officials went to the Jack Brown house at the Cherokee Nation complex and removed her. She was escorted away by Ms. Nimmo, attorney for the Cherokee Nation,  who with heavy heart had to deliver Veronica to the adoptive couple waiting at tribal headquarters. As she was taken away from her family, her cry rang out….. “No, I don’t want to go! I don’t want to go! I don’t want to go!” It fell on deaf ears. There was nothing that could be done.

In physically coming to Oklahoma, the Capobiancos forced the spotlight on this child. They got preferential treatment in that, because of the media storm they’d created, their coming to the state caused this case to be given priority with the attention of the Governors of both states.  Media outlets were literally drooling over the chance to report every detail. Often cases of this nature die a slow death in our court systems. They lie there for months and sometimes years between hearings while a child hangs in the balance despite urgent concerns regarding their welfare. Each side is given the opportunity during the down time to mount a defense. Mr. Brown nor Veronica was given this chance. This couple cared only for claiming their prize and quickly. With each hearing came a flood of photos, speculation and the constant reminder from Mrs. Capobianco that precious time and money were being lost and ‘could we hurry this up please.’ No other case of this nature has been given this type of preferential treatment with the adoptive couple being catered to and given hearings and appearances almost daily.

They don’t tell you the Capobiancos had no incentive to mediate. The judge’s statement read that both parties negotiated in good faith. They don’t tell you the details of those negotiations though. They don’t say that while the couple publicly stated they want everyone to play a part in Veronica’s life, privately they reneged on offers and offered little to nothing. They don’t say that to have the father in Veronica’s life is their constant reminder that this child isn’t totally theirs. They don’t say their actions have spoken volumes and they sought to sever any and all ties between her and her father.

We didn’t realize Mr. Brown had no chance. We didn’t realize the media was so skewed. With CNN on their side (Adoptive Couple’s forces having befriended many at the network) and leading their charge, many in the country were spoon fed details that were outright deceptive. With pressure from both Governor’s and threats of jail time, it seems that the couple were willing to stop at nothing short of destroying Mr. Brown’s life. Not happy with simply taking his child, they now sue for attorney’s fees and fines. And while initiated by the courts on their behalf supposedly, Adoptive Couple has yet to speak out and ask that the war be ended, charges be dropped or that their supporters stop harassing the Browns.

The public was led to believe despite all facts that Veronica would somehow remember this couple. We were shown pictures of a happy, smiling Veronica and told she DID remember them. What we weren’t told was that these pictures were taken after weeks of visitation involving many gifts given and that the child, while not remembering them, had gotten to know them. We weren’t told these visits were within the setting of a familiar play space to Veronica and that she viewed these visits as simply play dates knowing she went home to mommy and daddy in the end. We also weren’t told what Veronica’s reaction was to them once she had time to go home each night and process the whole situation in her own mind, what she may have told friends or teachers about them, or what she felt about them in general. Getting to know and remembering are two far different things.  While no one doubts the Capobiancos will care for Veronica, their need to paint their relationship with her as natural and somehow destined by twisting the facts is questionable.

But the sad reality is that Veronica is gone and the damage will forever be irreparable. You see, at birth to two, a child is developing but their long term memory isn’t yet there. They are more concerned with their needs being met and react primarily to discomfort. At the age Veronica lived with her father, by four, her memory develops. She grew to know Mr. Brown as her natural born father and his wife as her mother. Her world expanded to relationships and she began to take in her surroundings. To her, real or imagined, these two are her psychological parents.  She will always remember them now that she’s had time to bond with them.  She will always know them as her ‘real’ mom and dad. Anyone else is merely a substitution with her hopes continuing the rest of her life to find answers as to where they went and what happened to them. No answer provided by anyone else will suffice. She will need to seek her own answers to be sure of their truth.

And it’s that desperate need to paint this bond as something shared between both them and the child as something natural and destined that concerns many. Veronica didn’t share this bond. This bond was entirely one sided. It was born from the Capobiancos desire for children, a desire so strong they fooled their own minds into imagining if only they could obtain her, the bond and feelings would surely be reciprocated.  And if not immediately reciprocated then they could be nurtured over time using Melanie’s knowledge of psychology , manipulating in order to create a bond.

Having feelings of maternal urgency or an urge to mother is far different than maternal instinct. Maternal instinct is a need to protect. Maternal urgency is the desperate feeling one’s biological clock is ticking. The desire here to be a parent so overwhelmed rational thought. Because if Melanie had maternal instinct, that instinct would have said Veronica was with a loving and fit bio father who wanted her. It would have told them they would damage her if they tampered with it. It would have driven them to protect her even at the cost of their loss.  Who did what when, claims of abandonment,  who had her first, none of that will ever matter later. Her age or how many years she spent with either won’t matter. She could have been 6 or 10 or even 13 when they took her. It doesn’t matter if she spent two years or one summer with her father. But she now knows another set of parents exist, a biological parent is out there waiting for her. You cannot put the genie back in the bottle.  What will matter is she got to know them at an age that she will remember them and that they were taken from her for reasons short of severe. There was no abuse. There was no neglect.  And anything short of that will never be justifiable in her mind as she grows.

We know Matt and Melanie will care for her. We know they’ll provide her with all they can in life. She’ll have the best. We know they love her. But while that’s wonderful and kind, she will be an empty shell. She will wait for her day. She will have nagging questions. And even if she is led to believe her father was a axe murderer, she will have a pride in being his daughter throughout it all. She will wait for the day when she can reconnect to him. To slander his name will fuel her determination. To make no mention of him at all will peak her curiosity. It’s one game that no one can win because despite what you say, she will have her own feelings on the issue. You see, Veronica IS Dusten Brown. She is the living, breathing extension of her father. And by trying to sever that bond, they’ve only made it stronger and more urgent. They will make her more determined.  They will forever have to buy her love while all the while she quietly waits until the day she can get her answers and find her roots. She won’t outwardly say that. She’ll harbor that within herself for fear of hurting their feelings or making them feel she is ungrateful for her beautiful life but those feelings will quietly be there.  Until one day, one day she will Google her name. Or she’ll wonder what happened to those other parents she remembers. Her mind will lead her home.

Despite it all, she will remember she is Veronica Brown from ‘Nowater, Okahoma’.

And because there is no word for goodbye in the Cherokee language, the Cherokee Nation, family and supporters all say dodadagohv’I – we will see each other again.  Veronica will look to that road one day. One day she will hear the beat of the drum. One day she will come home and her parents will see her again.

We wish you Godspeed Little Star.  You get big and strong and we will wait for as long as it takes. All roads lead to home.

theroadhome

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40 Responses to “Godspeed Little Star”

  1. Maryreunited September 26, 2013 at 6:40 pm #

    You wrote so eloquently and in such a loving manner. You are a bigger person than I am.

  2. Lawyercarolyn September 26, 2013 at 6:52 pm #

    This was beautiful. Thank you.

  3. Samantha September 26, 2013 at 7:07 pm #

    We all failed her. Her experience is one of being confused and empty and not able to express it. She won’t feel one ounce of the “love” our nation or her adopters say they have for her, because all she knows is separation from the bond she finally got to taste with who she really was and those she came from. She never needed to be rescued until now. We can go about our daily lives and slowly forget, but she is still with strangers whose behavior towards her does not demonstrate the “love” they profess. Love would consider her best interest over their own.
    http://www.PeachNeitherHereNorThere.blogspot.com

  4. Kay Springsteen September 26, 2013 at 7:46 pm #

    You shed light on the many frustrations that blocked a father’s quest to BE a father to his own child. I have no doubt the Capobiancos love Veronica, but their love is not the easy, natural love she shared with her dad. Theirs is a possessive kind of love that did not even allow them to spend those days with her and notice that she is a happy, healthy child. They saw a need only to “save” something but what they did not seem to understand was they were not themselves saving Veronica from some dire fate but instead were trying to save themselves through an entitled need to raise a child who already had a family. In Melanie’s words, she felt they loved her more. But is grasping and snatching really the right kind of love?

    • marshadcrane@Gmail.com September 26, 2013 at 8:30 pm #

      She actually said the wanted her more, not loved her more .

  5. Jenna September 26, 2013 at 8:22 pm #

    So beautiful

  6. marshadcrane@Gmail.com September 26, 2013 at 8:31 pm #

    I hope their will still be some more testimony releases from this site

  7. northofdelaware September 26, 2013 at 8:36 pm #

    I feel very sad for the number of losses this child has endured. While she may not “remember” her first mother—her soul remembers. She experienced leaving her mother’s body and being given to strangers. Having then bonded with these strangers for two years, she is moved to her father. And now back to the adoptive parents. Each of these occurrences is a loss that she experiences. How will she ever be able to anticipate long lasting relationships in her adult life?

    While I have no doubt that she will come to have some understanding of these events when she grows up—I can’t fathom what questions she will have for the mother who sold her to strangers instead of giving her to her father.

    I too was adopted and know the pain of multiple losses. It’s not easy to emerge from.

    • TERESA MASSEY September 27, 2013 at 12:03 am #

      I HAVE SHARED SO MANY POSTS ABOUT THIS AND ONLY THOSE THAT HAVE GONE THROUGH THIS IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER CAN TRULY GRASP IT’S EFFECTS. I AM A GRANDMOTHER RAISING GRAND KIDS AND ONE OF THE SIBLINGS GOT ADOPTED OUT…TO FAMILY THANKFULLY….BUT IT STILL HURTS. THE DAY WILL COME FOR VERONICA THAT SHE WILL “HAVE” TO SEEK HER FAMILY CONNECTION….IT IS A DRIVE THAT INSTILLED WITHIN OUR VERY BEING AND NO PERSON OR PIECE OF PAPER CAN CHANGE THAT…BY READING WHAT YOU WROTE, YOU SOUND LIKE YOU HAVE COME A LONG WAY….CONGRATS!!! KEEP HELPING THOSE YOU CAN…THEY NEED YOU ❤

  8. monk-monk September 26, 2013 at 8:43 pm #

    Reblogged this on boof & monk-monk and commented:
    This is put much more eloquently than I ever could. May she return sooner than later. May her soul remain intact through this process.

  9. Mary Adele Kenney September 26, 2013 at 8:58 pm #

    Thank you. This touched my heart. I do believe that she will return on day. I only wish I were not so old. I’ll not be here to see it.

    • acvsbg September 26, 2013 at 10:04 pm #

      Mary, it’s bad enough I cried while writing. Now Im crying at the thought that you feel you won’t be around for that homecoming. I also think of her grandparents Tommy and Alice who may not make it to that homecoming.

  10. Jacquie Archambeau September 26, 2013 at 9:40 pm #

    Excellent and I agree! However, it’s Nowata.

    • acvsbg September 26, 2013 at 9:50 pm #

      If you’d have asked Veronica, she was from Nowater, Okahoma rather than Nowata, Oklahoma.

  11. Ann H. September 26, 2013 at 10:03 pm #

    May Spirit, whose power is greater than earthly law, intervene and restore this child to her true family. May the ones who took her realize what they’ve done and do the right thing by her.

  12. julie September 26, 2013 at 10:07 pm #

    I hope that as time goes on, be it weeks or months or years, th his beautiful letter stays active on the net and on search engines so WHEN Veronica goes looking for the terrible truth of her life, she will find this soon as she types in her name. Veronica, if you are reading this, so many years after it was written and most of your case has turned into dusty files in a backroom somewhere, we want you to know this: We love you. Your Dad Dustin loves you. Your Mom Robin and your sister Kelsey too. Your grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins all love you. The Cherokee nation loves you. And they ALL want you to come home soon as possible. Please don’t believe the lies people will tell you. Your dad didnt give you away, he did not abandon you. He fought for you for all he was worth. He faced jail and worse to keep you with him. It is we as a country that failed you and your real family. Many of us fought for you, to keep you home. We lost not because we didnt try, but because others didnt listen. We are truly and deeply sorry. I know the people that took you away have promised to give you every material possession you may desire. They have said they will send you to the best school, raise you in a fancy house. I dont know if that will make you happy and content, you will have to be the judge of that. No matter what happens, good or bad, know we are always here for you. Your Dad and Mom, your sister, your family and your nation, are here for you. The adoption community, who have walked the same path you will walk, is here for you. All you have to do is reach out to us. It doesnt matter how old you are when you read this, be it 9 or 19 or 29, we will be waiting for you with open arms. We will be here to help you find your way home.

  13. Rebecca Harper-Moler September 26, 2013 at 10:15 pm #

    AMEN! We all KNOW this is exactly what will happen. I just wish the Capo’s could see this coming because it just may have made them think twice about what they were doing. We all love you Veronica and patiently wait until we see you with your family again.

  14. Lee Van September 26, 2013 at 10:37 pm #

    Tearjerker! Oh my goodness. So eloquently put. “Nowater, Okahoma” so cute! I’m sorry for your terrible loss, Mr. & Mrs. Brown and little Veronica.

  15. DOCMO September 26, 2013 at 11:02 pm #

    Reblogged this on Cognitive Flow and commented:
    Such a beautiful and eloquent expression from kindred writer at Adoptive Couple vs Baby Girl.

  16. DOCMO September 26, 2013 at 11:04 pm #

    So beautiful. My heart reaches out with compassion to all. As an adoptee forced away from his bio mom at birth, and having finally reconnected after 40 years, my heart is intertwined with Dusten and Veronica and this loving community. I do hope that we can continue to exchange heartfelt thoughts and words and grow as we walk this road together.

  17. TheAliciaB September 26, 2013 at 11:42 pm #

    Eloquent, beautiful. My heart aches for this child. I pray that her memories stay strong, through all of the brainwashing. Godspeed, indeed.

  18. Kit Fox September 26, 2013 at 11:59 pm #

    I hope and pray that Ronnie Brown will find her way home to Dusten Brown, Robin, Kelsey, her geese, and all the extended family that love her. This is exactly the sort of outrage that the Indian Child Welfare Act was designed to prevent. This is exactly the sort of outrage that all people of color should not experience, where good and loving families raising their children well find those children ripped from their homes by wealthier white people who think that the white way is the only right way, and who mean by that the way of mainstream, affluent, conformist white male dominated society.

    It is ten times more an outrage when it happens to a Native American child being raised in a Native American community than it is when it happens to any other minority in this country, because it is also a breach of an agreement with another sovereign nation. Remember how much outrage there was in Haiti after the earthquake when American “missionaries” were trying to smuggle children that the “missionaries” claimed to believe were orphans, even though it turned out that several of the children had a living biological parent or parents? This is an equally outrageous taking of a child that is a member of another nation that wants to protect the children of that nation, and yet their court is having its rulings set aside by United States of America federal courts, in violation of international treaties that the United States of America is a signatory to and has ratified. And this is not the only taking of a Native American child by the state of South Carolina this year from a willing and fit biological father who wants to raise the child, and a tribe that wants the child raised as a tribal member, and an extended Native American family that wants to raise the child.

    And in both cases the child has been taken across state lines in a manner that breaks relevant federal law, and yet the child snatchers have not been charged in either instance.

    Where is the outcry against this in the general public? Does the general public think it is only wrong to snatch the children of wealthy white parents?

    I am white, and know other whites who are equally outraged by the way Ronnie Brown and Dusten Brown have been treated. By the way, Dusten Brown and Ronnie Brown also have a lot of support among veterans and reservists and active duty military who feel that the U.S. Supreme Court showed ignorance of the realities of military life and responsibilities, especially military about to deploy to a war zone. Not one current U.S. Supreme Court Justice has any combat experience or experience in a war zone, and only one or two of them have any military experience at all and none of them were ever career military as far as I can find out.

    Dusten Brown deserves the nation’s gratitude for his service in Iraq, and not to have his daughter snatched away from him twice, once at her birth, before he had had any chance to see or hold her, and now once again as a four year old.

    Dusten Brown appears to have been an excellent father to his young daughter, and he is definitely a good and courageous man who would be an excellent role model for any child, and especially his own child who so obviously takes after him.

  19. arthur September 27, 2013 at 12:40 am #

    The precise reason the United States Supreme Court decided to leave the judgement to the state courts was because they were not going to be chastised for setting any precedent in ruling about this case one way or another.The Supreme Justices failed the people of this Great country and they are a bunch of people that have no true backbone for not taking a stand and keeping the child with her blood family.

  20. Katy September 27, 2013 at 2:10 am #

    This is well written and helped explain a lot that other ‘articles’ had left out…Prayers for Veronica…

  21. S Wallis September 27, 2013 at 4:14 am #

    Wonderfully written. If you are a true parent with unconditional love for your child you desire safety, security, health, and emotional well-being for your child at all costs – even if it means making the difficult decision to no longer be a part of their world. You love your child more than your own personal emotions and desires. The Capobiancos quite obviously do not know or realize the meaning of unconditional love. God bless Veronica. I pray that her father and grandparent’s unconditional love for her will prevail.

  22. Scott Sewell September 27, 2013 at 5:45 am #

    Reblogged this on Edge of America and commented:
    our thoughts will be with you in SC little cousin

  23. ruby4720 September 27, 2013 at 6:23 am #

    One of the best things I have seen written on this story. Thank you.

  24. Manda September 27, 2013 at 7:48 am #

    This is so beautifully said… One day Ronnie Brown will return home and I will STAND for and with her and her family until that day comes. Veronica, if you are reading this one day sometime in the future, know this–thousands of people love you and fought for YOUR right to stay with your family. We wish you a life filled with love and laughter until you return.

  25. tchaiki September 27, 2013 at 12:40 pm #

    Beautifully stated. Veronica has lost so much, and it can never be returned to her. Her loss has touched many of us.

  26. Gracee Moon September 27, 2013 at 8:02 pm #

    May God keep you safe Veronica until you come home to Daddy, this article is just so beautiful I am still crying writing this . Veronica must be missing her Daddy and the rest of her loving family and wondering where they are, the Capobiancos will one day regret what they have done and that day will be when Veronica rejects them because of what they have done to her and her Daddy, Veronica will always be Veronica Brown and it does not matter what the Capobiancos call her she will always remain a Brown. GOD BLESS DUSTEN AND VERONICA AND ALL OF THE BROWN FAMILY. From Australia

  27. Lisa September 28, 2013 at 5:21 pm #

    Has Dusten given up? It seems everyone else has, but has he? There seems to still be a couple avenues, not least of which is the fact that South Carolina had no jurisdiction to make the ruling in the first place.

    Does anyone know what his plans are? I think it’s premature for the entire community to give up until his plans and wishes are known.

    • acvsbg September 28, 2013 at 7:50 pm #

      This post was not intended to imply that the Browns have given up. It’s to say that until that day when she comes home, we will all wait. We have not given up hope. We will continue to fight for her and others like her.

    • Kit Fox September 28, 2013 at 11:52 pm #

      Lisa – Dusten does not strike me as someone who will give up that easily. I also doubt that the Cherokee Nation has given up that easily either. They also have standing as I see it, because Ronnie Brown was removed from their jurisdiction by fraud in violation of federal law. I hope and pray that this is just a brief breather on the part of Dusten Brown, and a brief regrouping on the part of the Cherokee Nation.

      Dusten Brown said in one interview that Dusten means “warrior” and that he has always seen himself as a “warrior”, so he does not sound like someone who gives up easily. Ronnie Brown does not seem like someone who gives up easily, even at four years old. I am confident that there will be a way for them to get back together again within the next few years.

      But in the mean time, Veronica also needs our support in her captivity. And so do the hundreds of other Native American children taken from stable loving families by people who judge by the wrong standards, and put into families that think being Native American is about wearing quaint clothes and doing funny dances, rather than about keeping one’s word and one’s honor, building community, give and take, and other hallmarks of civilization. Ronnie has a father who is honorable and courageous, and she needs to grow up with him and learn from him, not from a couple that tries to buy a child from a woman behind the back of the child’s father.

      What good can come of putting a young child like Ronnie Brown with law flouting adults like the Capobiancos? The Capobiancos are not people I would trust with a chicken, let alone a child. The adoptive parents have made it clear that they have their own interests first in their minds, by keeping Ronnie Brown for over two years knowing that she had biological family that wanted her and was stable and capable of raising her, by creating a media circus around the whole situation, by defaming Dusten Brown, her father, and a whole lot more. There are plenty of children in this country in need of a home, of various ages, colors, abilities, etc. but the Capobiancos are only interested in a light skinned healthy child that they can raise from birth, whether or not she already has family. Such selfish greedy entitled people are not a good role model for a child.

  28. Kit Fox September 28, 2013 at 5:38 pm #

    Remember, there are hundreds of other little stars like Veronica out there, taken from good homes to be given to greedy childless white folk.

    The demand for babies to give to white childless couples could easily be met if it were legal to pay women over the table, officially, for the work of having babies for childless couples, so that rich white people would not have to illegally steal children from poorer families of color.

    Stop illegal trafficking of children in America. Taking Dusten’s child away from him and taking Ronnie away from her capable loving father just because her birth mother wanted or needed money is not something a nation that claims to be civilized should even think about doing.

    When there is a parent willing and able to raise the child, and the other parent receives any compensation beyond expenses for putting the child up for adoption, that is also illegal, just as illegal as paying for a woman to be a surrogate. But in the case of surrogacy, you do not have a father having his child stolen. Either the father in a surrogacy situation is an anonymous sperm donor or is the husband of the couple that will be raising the child so it is much more moral than paying a birth mother to steal the child from the birth father.

  29. Dana October 1, 2013 at 10:02 pm #

    I am trying to say this in the kindest way possible, but as to your claim that “we all know [the Capobiancos] love her,” speak for yourself, please.

    I know no such thing. This wasn’t love. This was greed.

    • Kit Fox October 2, 2013 at 9:27 am #

      Dana – I agree that I have seen absolutely no sign that the Capobiancos love or even like Ronnie Brown. Ronnie Brown has a biological and actual father who appears to be doing an extraordinarily excellent job of raising her. He does not see her as a “special needs child” because under his care, she is not a special needs child. Only under the inept care of her abductors is she in any special need, and what she needs special is simply to be rescued from an unloving home that is trying to remake her into something completely foreign to her nature. It is absurd that the South Carolina courts, aided by the United States Supreme Court, will take a child away from an excellent biological family that loves her and put her with a bunch of incompetent whiny adults of another race who think that she is a difficult to manage child who needs to be drugged so that she can function with them.

  30. Robin October 2, 2013 at 3:37 pm #

    “We know Matt and Melanie will care for her. We know they’ll provide her with all they can in life. She’ll have the best. We know they love her.”

    I know nothing of the sort. The C’s have proven themselves to be relentless in getting what they want. They will pursue their agenda, come hell or high water, or a half million dollars in legal fees (which they expect their victim to pay). I have known people like that IRL and I can tell you, they are DANGEROUS. People who must have their own way, no matter what , are unable to see others as separate individuals with their own needs and wants. They only see others as an extension of themselves. Being around people like that makes you feel like you are wearing invisible ink. You don’t matter. And they can be ruthless. This personality trait does not lend itself to being a good adopter. And I don’t see Matt and Melanie undergoing a 180 degree personality change to properly care for Ronnie.

    This case has been despicable from beginning to end. And I don’t have confidence that Veronica will be safe, mentally or physically, with the C’s. Actually, I would not trust any of the placements done by the agency that handled Veronica’s removal from her natural father.

    • Kit Fox October 2, 2013 at 9:57 pm #

      Robin – I agree with you completely. Ronnie is only remotely safe as long as the public eye is focused on her. Please, everybody, keep this story and all the stories you find that are at all sympathetic to Ronnie or at least somewhat open minded and not straight PR pieces from the Capobiancos’s PR machine alive and active so that the Capobiancos know that the country is watching what happens to Ronnie. I do not believe that the Capobiancos care at all about Ronnie, but I do believe that the Capobiancos care a lot about what people think about the Capobiancos, so as long as we are all watching, Ronnie is much less likely to have a “tragic accident”. Otherwise, if having a child becomes too much of a nuisance to the Capobiancos, who knows what would happen?

      • Robin October 3, 2013 at 8:53 am #

        We must also ALWAYS remember that the Capos hired a PUBLIC RELATIONS firm. The purpose of PR is not truth-telling, but to put out propaganda to sway public opinion in their favor. It is also highly effective and insidious.

  31. Elizabeth Tapp October 3, 2013 at 11:14 am #

    I as an adoptee would have came from any place in the world to provide my thoughts and feelings as an adoptee. If the news media reflected how adoptees around the world felt about this situation maybe Veronica’s voice would have been heard!

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